Featured Monthly Article

Don't Call Me Sunshine

By Craig Ross

Responding to Words We Don't Want to Hear Have you ever been told something you didn't want to hear? How we respond during such Magic Moments can determine the outcome of meetings, projects, relationships, and even careers. But taking the High Road is sometimes easier said than done. Recently, while eating dinner with my daughter, an expected moment that I wasn't expecting found a father who loves being a father. After a pause in the conversation, my daughter leaned forward and said, "Daddy?" "Yes, Sunshine?" "Daddy, do you mind not calling me 'Sunshine' anymore?" It's a good thing I stopped chewing; the effort of breathing required full focus. I had a hunch why a seven year-old would make such a request, but my ego, scrambling to regain its balance from the strong blow to the gut, was putting up its best fight. After all, it reasoned, hadn't it compromised when she was just a year old and we stopped calling her "Pumpkin," opting for a more 'public friendly' "Sunshine"? Giving it my best face, I responded: "Um, okay, sweetie. Is there something else you'd like me to call you?" My ego was hopeful; perhaps it could buy this parent just a little more time with an innocent child.		Craig Ross, Director of Pathways     Steven Vannoy, President and Founder
"Well, you can call me Sunshine if there's no one around, I guess." Who hid the adult in my daughter's body? I couldn't help but smile. (Egos will run away with us or from us, it's our choice.) Reaching out and touching her arm, I said, "You got it, Shea." But I cautioned, "I may slip once in a while, but I'll do my best." And that was that. In a moment, unfolded on a day in early February, in the eighth year of a sweet and innocent life, my daughter asked that the door to adulthood be held opened just a bit wider. How could I refuse? It strikes me that it's not that much different in the workplace. During interactions with others, how often are we told things that are painful, and leave us questioning and hurting? Whether subtle or obvious, intentional or otherwise, others' words can have disastrous affect on the individual who doesn't have a Big R, a healthy relationship with him or herself. What can we do when we receive hurtful messages? The wise individual moves as quickly to Acceptance, realizing that what is in the past, can't be changed. What's the cost when we try to change or deny what was? All that can be changed is what lies ahead; and the only person who can act on that in a healthy way is the person who takes Responsibility for his or her own actions - moving forward. Forward-focused questions help in this endeavor, such as: How can I respond in a way that allows me to regain my "on-a-roll" state? In what ways can I build a stronger relationship with this person? How do I want my peers to see me respond to this situation? How can I lead? The truth be told, I was hoping I could call my daughter "Sunshine" for life. A naive dream, I now realize. So, a father moves forward, discovering more about himself, as his daughter discovers herself. Can I do it? Will I be able to call her by her actual name from this point forward? I love her too much not to. But fathers have their secrets. And this is mine: while it is Shea she'll hear, it is Sunshine I'll feel. How will you move a relationship forward today?

(c) 2005 Pathways to Leadership, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.